Are We There Yet?

long road ahead

“Are we there yet?” is a well-known refrain from childhood car trips, but this question creeps into adult lives too.

I was visiting an friend last week who has been a forgiveness teacher for many years. He shared with me how discouraged he feels because he still has so much forgiveness work to do. He asked if I ever feel this way. My answer to him was a resounding yes. The only difference between he and I is that I have no expectation that it will be otherwise. His discouragement reveals the unspoken belief that he should already have arrived at a place where he has no further need to forgive.  In other words, he was asking: “Why aren’t I there yet?”

As long as we are alive, there will be opportunities to forgive, chances to heal conflict with others and within ourselves. The work is never done. The healing is never finished. The need for forgiveness is ongoing. We will never be ‘there.’ Its important to know this.

Its also important to know that forgiveness teachers are not exempt. I’m grateful to be a forgiveness teacher and privileged to share what I have I have been shown. However, I don’t want to be put on a pedestal. Trust me, I have my share of problems, issues and shortcomings. I am no different in that regard from anyone reading this. 

No, we are not ‘there’ yet and yes, the journey can seem endless. But it is good to see the positive side: There is also no limit to our potential to grow. There is no limit to our ability to heal. And there is no limit to our capacity to experience ever greater heights of love.

About Eileen Barker

EILEEN BARKER has been writing and speaking on forgiveness, and guiding people who need to either forgive themselves or someone else, for many years. A practicing litigation lawyer who rejected the traditional adversarial role, Eileen has focused her practice on mediation, helping thousands of people resolve disputes outside of court. This work led her into a deep exploration of forgiveness as it relates to resolving conflict and making peace, both with others and oneself.

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