Blaming Doesn’t Work!

One of the first steps on the path of forgiveness is to eradicate blame. Why? Because no matter how justified you think it is, blame doesn’t work.

Think of a difficult relationship or situation in your life. Who do you blame, and for what? What is it you really want in that situation? What might be possible if you stopped blaming, and approached the situation in a different way?the-blame-game

I sometimes wonder what would be possible in the world if everyone stopped blaming. This alone would might well be enough to create world peace. Think about it. Yet, we have deeply ingrained patterns of blaming. When something doesn’t go our way, we blame. When we make a mistake, we blame. When we are angry about something, we blame. We blame others. We blame ourselves. We blame God. We blame life.

Blame is a defense mechanism pure and simple. It distracts and deflects. It enables us to avoid difficult feelings, such as hurt, sadness and fear. This may be satisfying in the short term, but in the long run, it is a dead end.

When we are blaming someone else, we make the other person the center of our attention. We give them untold amounts of our precious energy. When we are blaming ourselves, we become sidetracked by guilt or shame. The point is this. Whenever we avoid our pain, we cut off the opportunity for healing and growth. We cut ourselves off from love and happiness.

For more, I recommend a great article written by my friend and colleague Cat Zavis. Cat is a mediator who does great work, using non-violent communication (NVC) to help divorcing or divorced couples become effective co-parents. She recently wrote a great article entitled “Why Blaming Doesn’t Work” which you can find here:

See you on the Path!

About Eileen Barker

EILEEN BARKER has been writing and speaking on forgiveness, and guiding people who need to either forgive themselves or someone else, for many years. A practicing litigation lawyer who rejected the traditional adversarial role, Eileen has focused her practice on mediation, helping thousands of people resolve disputes outside of court. This work led her into a deep exploration of forgiveness as it relates to resolving conflict and making peace, both with others and oneself.